NEW YORK (TheStreet) — The most common refrain I hear when assisting clients with estate planning is that they want to treat their children equally. It’s a parent’s instinctual, default position. However, it can be a flawed position to lead from. In some cases, you might need to treat your children differently when it comes to gifting and estate planning. Notice I said differently but not unequally.

So what are some examples of treating your adult children differently:
Not naming all of your children as successor executors
Gifting the annual gift exclusion of $ 13,000 outright to some children while putting it in trust for another child
Leaving one child’s inheritance outright while leaving another child’s inheritance in trust

Thinking of your children as equals does not mean you shouldn’t treat them differently in estate planning.

In the first example, naming all your children as co-executors may seem like the right thing to do. However, I recommend selecting the child who is most capable and trust worthy of managing the responsibilities of the estate. Naming multiple co-executors is a recipe for disaster with your adult children behaving like school children. The goal should be to name the person most able to handle your estate affairs expeditiously and effectively. In some families that may mean naming a third party such as a trusted family friend, relative, or professional to be your executor.
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